I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
