Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
