i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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