He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
