I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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