If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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