Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
