ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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