I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
