Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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