im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
