I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
