she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
