Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
