Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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