Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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