Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
