dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
