There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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