Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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