Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
