Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize