Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
