I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
