ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
