But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
