You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
