literally had 100 drinks last night.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
