how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
