He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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