when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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