Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
