In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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