Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
