We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
