If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well you can't waste a boner
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
