if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
