you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
