Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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