I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
