So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
