I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
