I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
