I heard we made out
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
