Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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