Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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