9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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