Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
