I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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