I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
