Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
