the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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