Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
