Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
