I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
