I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i've created a new STD.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
