Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
