Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
