I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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