I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
