Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
