This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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