He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
