I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
