Your face is a jimmy john
It was confusing and full of hummus
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
