"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
