Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
